Happy extremes

Last week was a bad week. As much of my personal life that I keep off of this blog, I definitely try to keep things "personal" and well in the prior post if you read even the first few lines you know that I was going through something serious. I'm still going through it, but with a much clearer mind... less emotion and more steps of action.

This weekend was great... I did nothing "busy" -- and by busy I mean the typical city weekend -- brunch, shop, roam aimlessly, museum, bike ride, party, drink.... basically over schedule every single minute of my day so that by Sunday night I feel like "where did the weekend go?!?!" -- don't get me wrong, I love weekends like that, but  really, I needed this past weekend.  I didn't do "nothing" I just didn't do "everything" -- I got the 2nd floor of my apartment cleaned -- which is major progress. I wrote, I organized, I DUSTED (you have no idea), I changed the frames on my pictures, I hung up pictures, I ran, I wrote more, I had QT with a couple of friends at my house... I wrote out a plan of action for my next steps... I actually accomplished 2 things on that plan... I did nothing that didn't make me happy in the moment I was doing it.

I think that's what I've been missing... maybe that is what a lot of us are missing in general. Doing more of what makes us happy in the moment that it is needed as opposed to in the moment we can make it work. Thinking too much, waiting for the right moment, over planning, over analyzing.... can all be just as detrimental as throwing caution to the wind and risking everything for the unknown. That's not to say that I think one way of thinking is better or worse, it's just that I think we can all stand to either take a few more risks or to think things through a bit more. I truly think happiness is found in balance and quite often you have to step outside of your comfort zone to find that balance (but doesn't comfort feel so good??)... I digress.

In my case, I absolutely need to take more risks.  I have become my own hindrance.  In the last 2 years so much has changed in my life for the better-- my success has grown so much, my happiness has unfolded in a way I never imagined.... that I think I've literally become scared of what else I can achieve.  Almost like I'm afraid of being more than what I've already accomplished because I'm not sure how to handle it. I was in such a state of unhappiness for so long that when it all hit me, so fast, so tremendously, I think subconsciously I started to jeopardize my own progress.  Kind of like a misplaced need to struggle... I'm not sure this makes sense to anyone who reads this, but essentially I overcame so much in my past that I think I only truly feel good about my accomplishments if I somehow struggled to get there, so the fact that my current successes... my current state of happiness... has come to me with such perceived ease, it's harder for me to embrace it whole heartedly because I don't feel like I did anything to deserve to be this happy and successful.  Or better yet... happier and more successful.

I know it probably doesn't make sense as I type it out, but in my head it brings clarity.  Do more of what makes you happy.  That doesn't mean run off and do something extreme -- it just means don't think running off and doing something that you want to do is necessarily extreme... especially if it brings forth happiness. Find the balance.

"Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run"

xo