Romps......... and Circumstance.

I am by nature a person who over extends themselves. It's a bad habit with good intentions. I often forget to write things down and in the minute in which something in I have unwittingly committed myself to attend/do/work on arises... I find myself flying like a bat of hell to get it done.  More often than not, I get it done. But sometimes... sometimes circumstance occurs and whether or not I wrote it down, remembered it, planned on doing it or was actually in the process of doing it... I have to drop everything and do whatever else that arises-- that though not more important, for whatever reason takes precedence.

Recently I've been in this situation more than I care to deal with. It's frustrating at best, but I have to work with it. I was supposed to attend a friend's wedding, but my sister was scheduled to give birth, so I couldn't make it.... then my sister gave birth a week early (blame God) and well, everything I had planned for that particular week, took a back burner to this very important little life that was being born.  Then I thought...hey, maybe I can actually attend the wedding that I had cancelled prior since my sister gave birth a week early.... and the other friends party... and the other friends party after that.... oh and one of my best guy friend's movie screening debut.... yes. Yes, now I can probably do all of that. I was thrilled at the possibility of being able to accomplish all that I set out to do.

Then I got a phone call.... a heart stopping phone call that one of my best friend's mother died unexpectedly.   Not that death is ever expected.... but can you imagine? Your mother is in seemingly good health and the next thing you know, she's in the ICU...  and then you're sitting next to her holding her hand and you literally watch her as she takes a final breath....and then she's gone. Can you imagine what that feels like?  I can't. I didn't even think twice about flying out to her. To be there by her side. To hold her hand as she has to lay her mother to rest. To hold her when she cries. To be there for her. To be her friend.

Nothing else matters in this moment.  Not the unexpected costs that will be incurred, not the plans that I had to inevitably cancel, not the house that I've been trying to organize for the last month, not anything. And feeling that way doesn't make me any less of a friend to those friends I had to let down or any more of a friend to my girlfriend who needs her friends in this trying time in her life.  It just makes me a friend who has to make hard decisions when it comes to what takes precedence in her friends lives.  What's that saying? "God laughs while we make plans?".... or something like that. So true.

I've recently realized however that not all people feel this way. They won't voice it directly though...they'll be quite passive aggressive, make subtle comments, or be down right dismissive to the fact that  you had to let them down... and you know, that's okay.  Because asides from the fact that I have no interest in feeding in to childish antics, the reality of their thoughts and actions tells me two things:

1. When my time of need comes, those are not the friends that I can count on to drop everything to be there for me.  

And:

2.  When their time of need comes, they'll wonder why so few people are actually there for them.

I would love to be everywhere at once, but the reality is sometimes that is just not possible.... and I'm okay with that. It took me a long time to be okay with it though... I used to fret, and worry and stress and really try and do everything at once... I sincerely tried to please everyone.  It's pointless.  You can't. You simply can't please everyone and that is quite fine.

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever give about friendship was that when you are a true friend, unless there are extreme circumstances preventing otherwise, you should always be there for three occasions in your friends lives: The marriage to their loves. The birth of their children.  The death of a loved one.  Those are the three most important occasions in your friends lives.  Distance may prevent you from seeing or speaking to them daily, but love should always bring you together in those times.  You don't necessarily have to agree with me, but this is part of my friendship mantra. It is how I try to lead my life as friend worth having.

To my dearest friend: I love you immensely. I am so sorry that you are having to bury your mother... I am so sorry at this age in our lives we are even having to worry about burying our parents.... but I can promise you I'll be there for you tomorrow and this entire weekend and every day thereafter that you need me.  Even when you don't realize you need me or any of us girls, we will all be there for you. 
We are sisters first. Friends second.  

Anyone else who feels otherwise? I'm sure you can assume my thoughts.

xoxo