The importance of "Dad"......

Growing up without my birth father, I tended to put a lot of emphasis on this quote "Any man can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a Dad"  -- See, Joey is my "Father" -- his DNA (for better or worse) runs through  my veins.... he impregnated my mother.... he is the reason that I exist today.  But he wasn't my Dad.  He wasn't there when I needed him most.  My "Dad" is Alonzo.... and he came to me late in life.... I think I was about 18... maybe 19.... and he's been there ever since.  This is the man that when I need anything or have a question, I call. This is the man that calls me or randomly sends me a card or text to say that he loves me.  He's my Dad. Not by blood. Not even by marriage. But he's my Dad.

Thinking on my own situation.... actually... all of my siblings situations (none of our Fathers were Dads) I realize that the relationship that I have had with men directly correlates to how the men in my mother's life treated her.  I realize that the things that my sisters and I have accepted from men in the past as "okay" are also directly correlated to how we saw men.... our "fathers" treat our mother.  I wonder if men really get that.... do  fathers truly understand that how they treat the mother of their children will directly correlate to the relationships that their children will have in the future?  Because it does.  I mean it really, REALLY does.  We date our Dad's..... seriously. We may not marry them, but in many cases, we date them.... we entertain their antics.... we are intimate with them.... fall in love with them..... so by all means I  have no idea why more fathers don't take heed to how they treat the mother's of their children.

"The greatest thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother"..........this quote right here....  is so very true.  Though....  if I had to change this up a little to be more accurate to my family situation... more accurate to a  co-parenting situation,  I'd add in "AND RESPECT her mother" ---- because I think that's where a lot of Father's miss the mark.  They don't respect the mother of their children when they are not together anymore and they don't realize it, but the children see it.  Daughters see it.  We absorb the actions. The words. The times you pick us up and don't speak to our mothers in an amicable way. The times you roll your eyes, suck your teeth or make negative comments to your family about our mothers. The times you berate our mothers. You hurt our mothers. We see it all..... and if we're lucky, we grow up to find men that are nothing like those fathers.... men who will respect us as your daughter.  If we're lucky.  But for many of us, it takes a lot of frog kissing before we find that prince and whether these father's know it or not.... them not being a "Dad".... them not respecting our mothers.... it plays a big a role in who we as women have become. And no, I'm not talking about myself here.... I'm just seeing this lack of respect... this lack of a Dad in my universe more than I care to and it is evident to me that it is easy for Father's to fall short of being a Dad. A Dad who respects his child's mother.

Especially when your child is the product of the proverbial "broken home" -- I was on the train listening to a girl talk to her girlfriend about all of these hateful things that her ex had said about her.... that he had said them to someone else but that her son had heard and he came home and asked her why his Dad would say mean things about her.  He then kissed her on the forehead and said "It's okay, Abuelo says you're the best mommy in the world and I agree." ---  I don't know the girl, but from the outside looking in, her son is lucky to have her Dad to balance out the negativity that her ex clearly still has built up inside. But it's still unfortunate, because sons look up to their Dad's. And that's the kind of example this guy is setting for his son. That it's okay to berate his mother.... it's okay to talk bad about women.  I wonder though, if he even realizes the long of it? The long term effects?

I dunno... I guess I'm kind of rambling.... I've just seen so much of it lately... hell I lived it... and it just makes me think of the future Men. Father's. Dad's. Your son becomes who you were to them. To their mother. And sometimes even who they saw you being when you didn't even know they were watching.  And your daughter? Well statistically... she ends up being with a man who was just like you.  Be the man that you want your daughter to end up with.  Act like the man that you want your son to be.

Yes Mother's give us life..... but Father's truly shape it.... more than many realize.

Until the next time.

xo